I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
