forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my sisters under your porch take her home
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
