dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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