I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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