i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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