He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
