and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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