no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
