He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
