I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
