So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
