i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
