apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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