I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
