I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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