genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My ass is underappreciated
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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