She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
