Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
