She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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