just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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