Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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