he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
