You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
