i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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