Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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