I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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