im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i out mim tonsoeep
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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