when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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