Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have already put on my inside pants.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
