How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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