My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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