i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
