Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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