By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
