I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
