sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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