Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
