Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
