She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
