No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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