Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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