she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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