I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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