I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
