I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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