if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
