I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
