My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
