How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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