I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
