O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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