what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
