thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
