We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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