Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
