even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
