...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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