Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
