I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
