i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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