True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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