I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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