I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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