don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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