He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
