EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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