He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
